Last week, I made a post about how there are, indeed, good guys can be found somewhere other than Twitter (you can find it here). Most of the comments made were in agreement, but I did get a request via text to talk about good girls, and how a lot of them are still waiting or being looked over. I like to refer to it as “Being a Starting Bench-Warmer.”
My friend, who will remain anonymous, one day texted me saying “I’m so sick of guys’. No story. No explanation. Just a sentence that has come out of so many of our mouths daily. After further questioning, she went on to explain that yet another guy had given her the runaround. Someone else had begun to text her, behave as if they had interest and make plans of a date or hanging out, only to then gain amnesia and act as if none of this occurred. To add insult to injury, this wasn’t the first, second or third time this had happened to her. She was, as all of us get, tired. And had every right to be.
What struck to me the most out of this conversation is that at one point she said “Sometimes I just think ‘Damn, is it me? Am I undesirable or something?”. When I read this, I almost lost all of the breath in my chest. My friend is drop dead gorgeous and smart, with a bright future and personality. To see that she even had to question herself regarding this hurt me. What hurt me even more was that I, too, found myself questioning if there was something I was doing wrong.
We as women will get to a point where we feel like we have everything. We are everything that a guy could want and THEN some. I personally believe that I am the lyrics to Chaka Khan’s famous hit “I’m Every Woman”. “I’m every woman. It’s all in me. Anything you want done, baby? I do it naturally.” Everything that guy who is sleeping on you tweets and rants on Snapchat about, you have it. You are everything on his list. And when we can’t find the answers as to why every guy has acted as if we aren’t everything, we begin to question ourselves. “What am I missing? What am I doing wrong? Why am I not getting what I deserve?”
This is the part where it gets tricky. I am not a guy. But, I have numerous platonic friends of the opposite sex. And after watching their interactions and listening to their advice, I’ve come to a realization: Sometimes, it’s not us; it’s them.
Think about it: there are things in life that we want, but that we either aren’t ready to have or aren’t ready to keep. You want a new car, but you aren’t ready to pay a car note. You want a vacation, but you can’t get a plane ticket. You want a new house, but you’re barely paying the rent for your apartment and wouldn’t be able to handle a mortgage. There are guys who would LOVE to have a girl like you; someone who is ambitious, smart, outgoing, independent and caring. But he isn’t ready to commit to you, nor is he ready to give what it takes to keep you once he has you. Trust me, the idea is fun. But the reality of actually putting in the work of courting and a relationship is not as easy as it seems. That’s why guys will often pass a good girl up in order to play with another girl. A good girl who knows her worth won’t settle for a penny less. A girl who has yet to develop her worth will mistake pennies for silver dollars. Guys know this and notice the difference; that’s why most of them keep change.
Think I’m just talking? I’ve been hurt, mislead, manipulated and downright embarrassed by guys who liked me, thought I was amazing and many there sweet things told to me in wee hours of the night. What do I have to show for it? The memory of us walking past each other as if we don’t exist, or seeing him with a girl that I knew had yet to reach my level in maturity or understanding. But it wasn’t until one of them, after months of not speaking, apologized for his behavior toward me by saying “I’m sorry for how I treated you earlier…I was intimidated and childish.” Sometimes your power will shake a guy who doesn’t know all of his yet. Take it as a compliment that you are doing something right.
I may have said all of this and it not really have made you feel any better or given you suggestions on what to do. But if you leave this page with anything, leave with these two tips:
- Continue to focus on you. The more you better yourself, the more you increase your worth. I am a firm believer that wealth attracts wealth. The more you invest into your dreams, your goals and your personal gain, you will only attract those on the same playing field as you. Iron sharpens iron, and you have to be your best in order to receive the best. He will come when he is ready and able to go toe-to-toe with you.
- Do not sell yourself short. The girl who is stacking the pennies a guy has thrown to her will not be able to buy back the time she is wasting. Do not think you need to be easier, act less intimidating or dumb yourself down for the sake of a guy’s attention. Patience is hard and challenging, but worth obtaining. I am working on having it myself as I continue to make myself better while waiting for whomever he is to find me. But I will not belittle myself for anyone. I am worth bossing up for, and so are you.
With Love and Honesty,