When One Door Closes: How To Recover from A Break-Up

Chile…. Chiiiiiiiiiile
As soon as I read the question, I winced. The way you phrased it explains so much of a feeling that I once felt. What do you do when “forever” doesn’t last forever? How do you recover when the person you made permanent room in your life for, leaves? What do you do? How do you do it? What is the recovery process?

Heartbreaks hurt because you never really know how many pieces are missing until you try to breathe. What I mean is, you’re going to try and go on about your life and day as if nothing as happened. You will think that showing any sign of pain or weakness is only going to hold you back. So you will smile, laugh and avoid the conversation as an attempt to let the world know that you’re alright. But this role that you are playing to fool everyone around you, is only causing you to play yourself. If you act for long enough, you’ll forget to take the costume off when the curtains close. This is painful, but it’s a pain you need to feel so you know what your healing process will look like. 

You need to understand that it is okay to be hurt. You do not need to act nonchalantly about what you are feeling. When you reflect, you gain a sense of understanding and insight on the situation that can be used for growth. Athletes will watch film after every game, not because they LIKE seeing what went wrong during the game, or because they enjoy revisiting how they forgot a play, but because they know they have to see what went wrong in order to do right. You won’t be able to recognize what is right, if you don’t stop and look at what was wrong. Am I saying beat yourself up over no longer being with someone? No. But you DO need to take a little time, by yourself, to remember. The good, the bad AND the ugly. You can’t progress to your next level if you don’t. 

Do not let this current moment make you question you worth. You are more than worthy of love. You are more than worthy of someone who appreciates you for who you are and for who you are not. Just because the relationship with the person ended, that should place no hardship on the relationship you have with yourself. Someone else deciding that loving you is not what they are capable of doing should only strengthen the love you have for yourself. You deserve everything that person could have given you and more; that does not change due to their departure.  

You say that the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with has left your life. That sucks. It’s sad. It happens. But the inverse of this, though, is that the person you are MEANT to spend the rest of your life with is somewhere out there; they just haven’t come in the door, and they never will if you close it. Do not let this moment of pain affect your ability to love, or to allow someone else to love you. You can, and deserve, to feel a good thing more than once. Shutting down your emotions only plays yourself. Do not worry for too much longer. I’ve had my heartbroken more than once, and while I remember who did it, I can’t exactly recall what it feelings like. Time is an aide to healing, and will be essential in your process

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