Who Are You REALLY Mad With? 

How long will you keep saying “men ain’t shit” before you ask yourself a). Why do I keep attracting them?, b). Why do I keep them around? and c.) Why is the fact that I choose them the only consistent habit I have in relationships? 

Yes, I am single handedly coming for your life right now, because it needs to be done. Women in this day and age have a tendency to throw men under the bus for any and EVERY thing. “No one is consistent.” “All they do is lie.” “They lead you on and then claim they aren’t ready for a relationship.” “No one is worth it.” Alright. Scream it out, girl. I hope it makes you feel better. 

Now, let’s put our thinking caps on right here. And let’s leave them on for the rest of this post. 

You are sitting in the pit of your situationship, so deep that you can’t even fathom reach the bottom. You are fed up. You are tired. You don’t understand why he says he doesn’t want you, but then texts you the next day. “Why does he say he’s not ready for a relationship, yet he won’t let you be with anybody else?” You deserve better, you say. “I am a QUEEN,” you retweet and quote tweet and place in your bio time and time again. And you, Queen, will do all of this, and portray yourself as Mightier than Misery. And you will still text him back. You will still come over. You will still wait. You will still go to the party in the presence of four of his other girls, hoping he chooses you for the night. How is it that you are calling out men for their behavior, yet silent in admitting that you continue to allow it? How is the Queen trying to force King behavior from a peasant? 

I’ve been around for a while now. I have had boyfriends. I have dated. I have had men that I “talked” to (when I was naive) and men with whom I was just doing a whole lot of anything mixed with a chunk full of nothing. Though their names and position may have changed, two things have not: Men do what they want to do, WHEN they want to do it, and men will continue to do what is allowed. Period. Keep this in mind. Tattoo it into your memory. Once you understand this, you’ve got two major keys in understanding men. (Notice I said understand, and not “think”. Thinking like a man is a waste of a woman.)

Because men do what they want to do, WHEN they want to do it, this means that you can not persuade him to align his timing and desires with yours. If he said he doesn’t want a relationship, he does not want one, regardless of how badly you do. If he tells you that it’s just sex, then it is just sex. You can not get piped down into a relationship, no matter how many times you come over. Regardless of how “good” of a girl you are, if he doesn’t want you now, he doesn’t want you now and it’s not guaranteed that he will later. Think of it like this: you can take someone to an All-You-Can-Eat buffet, with the finest delicacies, 5-Star ratings and exclusivity you could ever ask for. But if they are not ready for the meal, or if they are already full, they either won’t eat at all, or they’ll nibble. Some of you women are 5-course meals, dealing with men who aren’t ready for the luxury, but you continue to stay open and get nibbled at. How does that work for you?

Not only are you constantly making yourself available for someone who doesn’t care if you’re available or not, but you’re also allowing the same mediocrity to be presented before you. Why is that? Do you think that if you stick around through his mess long enough, he’ll FINALLY choose you? Are you looking for a brighter day to make for all the other ones that you’ve been experiencing? Answer this: why are you being so loyal to below average results? You say you don’t deserve it, but you allowing it to continue is showing a different story. You say you deserve phone calls, but you always answer his hour delayed texts. You claim you require to be dated and courted, yet all the movies you’ve seen together are in his room. You say you will be the only one, but you’re competing for the top spot in his life with three other girls, and you may not even be in first place. Yet you stay around, whine and mope about it, discuss it with your homegirls, pretend that you aren’t on Twitter, and then get up in arms when the response to your “What are we?” text isn’t what you wanted. Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result, and most of you all reading this are either insane or know someone that is. 

This is the part of the post where people start looking for answers. You’re looking for me to give you a remedy as to how you can fix yourself and your habits. I don’t have it for you, because a lot of you are mad that I’m telling you this in the first place. The first step is to stop pointing the finger at everyone else and point it at yourself. You need to get that down before anything else I may have to say can help you. There are things that will be your fault. There are things that you are allowing. You can’t blame everyone else for everything regarding you.  Recognize it, admit the fault, and then work on becoming better. That is what will matter most, and that is how things change. 

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