The List: Why Every Guy You Have Been With Hasn’t Matched It

I want every girl right now to take out their List. Not your to-do list. Not your list of reminders. But the List of things you MUST have in a guy. The personality traits, the ambitions, the interests and the physical characteristics that are always stored in the back of your mind. Analyze this piece for piece, then step back and ask yourself: “since I have made this list, how many guys have I been with that actually matched what I asked for?”

In this generation, girls are settling. I do not care how you feel about the sentence. I do not care if you hoop and holler, flip your Brazilian and debate that you aren’t. If it isn’t you, it’s probably your friend. You will make a list of things that you must have in a guy, then get nervous when you can’t find him and take a pen to scratch some things off. “Well, maybe he doesn’t HAVE to know what he wants to do… We’re all growing.” “It’s okay that he isn’t the most mature person… I can change that.”  We consistently make ourselves convenient for men who were not on our list every time we scratch something off. It’s crazy. It’s an epidemic. It’s becoming a problem.

How do I know this? The same girl who rolled her eyes when I told her about herself a few sentences ago is the same girl waiting for a text back from someone not on her list. She is the same girl who will say “No one out here meets what I want, so I can’t help that.” But just because you haven’t found a boss does not mean you downgrade for a bum. It means you go find you a hobby until the one you really want comes along, or you MAKE someone adjust for you. Why would you settle when you are the prize? You do not correct your list of things you know you deserve all to compensate your loneliness. You are a prize that everyone isn’t able to win. You are the Powerball; you can’t give everyone a ticket.

Not only are you changing your list to convenience a man, but you’re list probably isn’t in order of priority. What is more important: his height or his humbleness? His car or his caring? What he’s known for, or how he goes about getting to know you? His personality and ambition will keep him longer than his height and clothes. What you truly need may not be packaged into what you want. The person who has what you NEED on your list is probably stuck in the crest of your DMs, because you were too busy waiting for Tyrone to take you off pause on FaceTime while he’s playing 2k, so you could pick him up and take him to the mall. Tyrone was taller, but @_DudeYouCurved is wiser; you just couldn’t see that because you blinded by the thought of some cute flipagrams.


Finally, I will leave you with this: a lot of you all are afraid to seek everything that is on your list out of fear that you don’t have everything that’s in his. You feel like you aren’t up to par, so why should you look for somebody who is? You don’t think you’re ready for the big leagues, so you settle for the PeeWee tournament. That’s why Tyrone has lowered his passenger seat in your car and is lying to you and twisting his hair: you can’t see yourself riding passenger in someone’s car who thinks you deserve it. You have to see yourself as worthy of what you want before you will ever find it. The more you play yourself, the more you will find yourself getting played. That’s a bridge that you need to build before you find anything better.

You probably are mad at me, feel that I’ve just come for your life and that I don’t know what I’m talking about. If so, I’ll leave you with this: I knew that 3/4 of the guys I’ve been with before were not on my list and still continued to give them chances. And they made me feel like 3/4s of a person. It wasn’t until I waited for what I deserved and actually got it that I realized how good it felt. And I vowed to never settle again. You needed to be told this, just like I needed to figure it out. And because I don’t want you to suffer, I’m writing you this. Don’t hate me; appreciate me, and take a look at your list. He’s the probably just your height, or in your DMS.

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